Sometimes I hate agency. But sometimes I love it. Don't you agree? Sometimes I feel like Satan, and I so badly want to take someone else's agency and make their choices for them because I can see so clearly what would be best for them. Oh all you parents I feel for you, I'm sure you feel that all the time. I bet you would pay a fortune for a chance to make a big decision for your child because you know that is the best one for them. But, as I said before, that's exactly what the adversary wanted in the war in heaven. To make people's choices for them. So, when I feel like I want to do the same for those that I love, it's almost as if I'm trying to live Heavenly Father's plan using satan's tactics, or force them to live His plan, which is the same dilemma.
It's a paradox. I can't. I cannot choose for another person, I already decided a long time ago in that war to fight for the side of giving all men agency. I knew what it meant, and I treasured the gift of agency just like Heavenly Father did, just like Christ did. So why do I get so frustrated out of my mind when someone I love makes a decision that I know will only hurt them? What do you think Heavenly Father feels when we make decisions He knows are only going to hurt us? Probably frustrated out of His mind. Are you catchin on? And yet, agency lives on in each of us. That shows me that it is something far more sacred than I understand, and that I should respect the agency other people have as well as my own. That's where my next two thoughts come in.
1. People can make whatever choices they choose, but the consequences don't change. You will always have to deal with the consequences of choices you make. Hence, 2. I can still make my own choices of how to react to consequences. Whether they are consequences of someone else's choice, or of something completely outside of anyone's control.
Let's be one hundred percent serious for two seconds-crap will happen. I know, it's blunt and brutal, but who will disagree with me? It's mortality, it's what it's for! How miserable would your life be if nothing difficult ever crossed your path? That sounds backwards, but you know it's true, don't you? I know that mountains are thrown in our path so that we can climb them and enjoy the view from the top. Ya flat ground is nice and it's easy, but what are you becoming when you walk on flat ground for years and years? Definitely not what you could be if you started doing a little climbing. Thank heaven's we are given mountains. TRUST ME, life is better with mountains.
Ok, that said doesn't mean that mountains aren't tough little buggers to get your little self up. Ya, they hurt. Oh man I had no idea how much. Mountains are anything that really cuts to the core and shows us who we are. Or mountains are when you think you know what it means to have your heart ripped open and cut to pieces and then some jerk called life comes along and he throws a gallon of freshly squeezed lemon juice all over it. And you just think, Seriously? Are you really gonna be like this? Ah. COME ON!! But ya, it's real, and it's a mountain, and you get to climb it. That's kinda what life feels like sometimes. But ya know what, you accept it. You can't change it. Why on earth worry and stress over what you cannot change. If you can't change it, it's a reality, not a problem. You can only change problems-not realities. You deal with realities by opening up your heart to the Savior and letting the Atonement take care of those realities that you can't. Well, so here we are with a huge fatty big boy problem on our plate, and what do we do? Well what can you do? You start to solve it. One bite at a time. You have friends, family, a Heavenly Father,and a Savior to give a lifting hand. You have the scriptures and the Spirit behind you giving you the revelation you need. You have prayer 24/7 that works miracles because that infinite Heavenly Father hears and answers them. You have friends like emilie who when you text them telling them you need something they call you back ready and willing to do anything before you can even say hello. How do you ever tell those people how grateful you are for their helping hands? I'm sure grateful for these supports in my life. They rock the house. I love you all dearly.
Ok, sorry, HUGE tangent. but choices. Ah, choices. Here's where we are grateful for choices. No one can take from you your choice of how to react. You always have that. You choose your attitude. You choose your actions, your priorities, and how you spend your time. You can choose that no matter what happens you are going to do the very best you POSSIBLY can to be the very best you POSSIBLY CAN! Woot woot! That doesn't ever have to change no matter what.
I'm feeling a lot right now, but mostly I feel like pounding my fist on the dang table and publicly declaring that no matter what mountains I'm gonna have to get my big ol booty up, I'm going to climb them. So that when I start to wonder what I'm going to do about what mess I've gotten involved in, I can remember that I have already decided. I'm going to have a good attitude. I'm going to be a mom someday. I'm going to live the gospel. I'm going to be the best dang teacher my district's ever seen. I'm going to be a happy person-the real kind of happy that only comes from living the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm going to love other people. I'm going to have a celestial home where Jesus Christ is the very center always. I'm going to have patience, I'm going to take care of my body and mind. I'm going to love, appreciate, and be loyal to my family. I am going to be Kellie Wentz, and this is who I want Kellie Wentz to be.
So come on, throw your lemon juice at me punk, I'll take you down. :)
