I know that finals are coming, and I have plenty to study. I know. I will get to it. But right now I can’t push aside some reflecting and thinking that is happening. Can I share a few thoughts? Of course I can. Well actually this is REALLY long, so it's a lot of thoughts, but it’s my blog. And I’m 21 now, so that means I can do what I want. :)
I have been thinking about goals. Improvement. Motivation. Bettering myself. Healing. Momentum. Change. Choice. Faith. His plan. Purpose. Destiny. The Atonement. Determination. A lot of self introspection happening as you can see.
I love those words. All of them. Something about goals and improvement just sparks something inside of me and I love it. What a great feeling it is to know that you can improve. You can change and progress. You literally can be whoever you want to be. And it’s all because of the Atonement. I am so thankful for the Atonement. Because we can repent, we can improve. Because of the Atonement and the fact that we have been redeemed from death there is a reason to want to be better because your soul is eternal. You will be you forever-a fact that comes with an underlying fire to want to become the best you you could possibly be. Because of the Atonement we have hope. We can overcome, heal, trust, and live because of that gift. I am so thankful for it. Holy cow I am thankful for it more than words can say. Maybe you know the feeling, so my words don’t have to say it. You can just feel it yourself drawing from your experience in life.
I want to be better. I want to be a better Kellie Wentz. A better student, sister, daughter, friend, and Latter Day Saint. What makes us better than looking at the experiences we have had and learning from them? Sometimes life is so hard. Wow. I wonder how we can feel the way that we do. It seems almost unbearable in those moments when you feel your heart literally aching for solace. Why do we have to feel that? My opinion? That’s life. Not in the cruel way like, “oh, suck it up, that’s life”. But as in, those little moments of heartache accompany those little moments of bliss, boredom, mediocrity, excellence, sadness, surety and laughter and make up life! Life IS little moments. You have to learn to love the cruddy along with the magnificent. I’m always looking and the future thinking , “when THAT happens, I’ll be living life!” No sir. I’m living it right now. Life is a like this big cookie that is made up of all those different ingredients into something delicious. Yes, salt by itself tastes super crappy, but its cause you aren’t supposed to eat it by itself. You add sugar and flour and chocolate chips to it and it’s fantastic. Those heart wrenching moments are like the salt in life. Yes, it’s terrible right in the moment by itself, but don’t let it be by itself for long. Notice the sugar and flour in other parts of your life in those times when salt is staring you in the face and you’ll be able to see the cookie. Does that make any sense? Life is delicious. I’m so serious. Life is incredible.
I like this quote by President Monson. “Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend . . . when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.”
You will ALWAYS have things you wish were better or more a part of your life. Why focus on what you don’t have? It makes you miserable. Like he says, you can experience heaven when you realize all you do have. Sometimes “life salt” blinds you from that for a little bit, so during those hard times you have to take the stinking biggest blind step of faith ever and trust that heaven is there, you’re just not lookin at it.
President Monson also said this, “If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.”
Mom’s hate that laundry and messes and all of that. But what He says is so true. You will miss it one day. Maybe that cruddy score on your bio test is like dirty fingerprints on the wall and you hate it now, but it’s life. Its one of those salt moments that’s going to flavor your life down the road. I swear I would be happier if I would just find a way to be grateful for it now. I swear that’s why old people are so happy sometimes-cause they have realized all of this stuff about loving life that’s gonna take me years to really appreciate.
I love elder Hollands talk “Remembering Lot’s wife”. Oh MAN, that is the talk for my life. I can’t even write any highlights from it cause the whole thing is a highlight. Please read it. I want to focus on moving forward, while using the experience I have acquired, without looking back and wanting to be there. The best is yet to be. I believe that. That’s what I’m talking about when I talk about living life in the moments that make it up. If you are doing everything you possibly can right in your life, Heavenly Father will take care of you. No matter what. That takes faith, but it is so worth it.
President Hinckley said, “Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”
Alright, half hour later, here is my point. Yes. Sometimes life is hard. Very very very hard. But sometimes life is very very very good! When life is hard you remember that hard and difficult is necessary, and it is just one ingredient that adds to your delicious life. I am thankful for hard things. I really am. Heavenly Father knows how to make me grow. He knows how to make me happy. I gotta trust that, even when I am blinded by hard things, and remember that life is sweet. Every moment. I love every moment that I’ve been given here. Someday I will even love those moments that tasted bitter. I’m trying to make my life the best stinkin cookie you’ve heard of, and for it to taste just right, I’m gonna need that salt. :)
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